Remembering Matthew Shepard

It's hard to believe that ten years have passed since Matthew Shepard was beaten and left to die on a fence post outside of Laramie, Wyoming. Matthew had been kidnapped by two guys who pistol-whipped the 21 year-old college student on the night of October 6, 1998. Matthew died at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado on October 12, 1998.

I can remember the uproar that swept the nation when the news of this hate crime was released. I was just one year older than Matthew at the time of his murder. One week prior, I had interviewed with a GLBT television show in Houston, Texas. I accepted a position as a television reporter, covering the entertainment scene.

I will never forget the call I received from my producer on October 13, asking if I was available to cover a candlelight vigil for Matthew Shepard. The news of his death and the heinous hate crime washed over me and left me with sudden fear. It was a reminder that as a gay man I was not safe in this world.

It was a hot, rainy night on Tuesday, October 13, 1998, when hundreds of Houstonites gathered in a park near downtown. The area was illuminated by lights from TV camera crews, including my own crew with TV Montrose. I was armed with a small pad of paper, a pen and an umbrella. I was ready to interview speakers in the speech lineup, including openly lesbian city councilwoman, Anise Parker.

Looking out over the lawn, I witnessed women and men of all races and backgrounds standing in the rain, candle in hand, singing "We shall overcome..." The vigil was very emotional for many attendees, including myself.

After taking notes from several interviews, I was ready to do my on-camera take. I reached into my pocket to pull out my pad of paper. To my dismay, all of my notes had been smeared by the rain. My first TV story, and by far the most important, was going to be a big challenge. My producer looked at me and told me not to worry. He said to speak from my heart. So, I tried my best to calm my nerves, remembering that the entire event was much bigger than me.

That night will always be etched in my memory as a defining moment in my life. That night I witnessed love and compassion in complete strangers. I sang with the crowd. I held my candle up high and I shed many tears while listening to the voices of hope and change reverberate from the speakers. That night changed me. One of my peers had been murdered for being gay. I will never forget Matthew Shepard.

I know I have this video in my archive somewhere. It's on VHS. I will do my best to get it digitized and uploaded soon.

Don't forget Matthew Shepard
December 1, 1976 – October 12, 1998

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Same Sex Marriage Legal in Connecticut

Connecticut’s Supreme Court ruled Friday that gay couples have the right to marry, making the state the third behind Massachusetts and California to legalize such unions through the courts.

The ruling comes just weeks before Californians go to the polls on a historic gay-marriage ballot question, the first time the issue will be put before voters.

Connecticut’s court ruled 4-3 that gay and lesbian couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry under the state constitution. It was a logical next step for a state that was the first to voluntarily pass laws affirming and protecting civil unions.

"I can’t believe it. We’re thrilled, we’re absolutely overjoyed. We’re finally going to be able, after 33 years, to get married," said Janet Peck of Colchester, who was a plaintiff with her partner, Carole Conklin.

"I’m just ecstatic. It’s such a relief, the joy of it," said another plaintiff, Jodi Mock of West Hartford, who sued with partner Elizabeth Kerrigan.

"Interpreting our state constitutional provisions in accordance with firmly established equal protection principles leads inevitably to the conclusion that gay persons are entitled to marry the otherwise qualified same sex partner of their choice," Justice Richard N. Palmer wrote in the majority opinion that overturned a lower court finding.

"To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others," Palmer wrote.

The Family Institute of Connecticut, a political action group that opposes gay marriage, called the ruling outrageous.

"Even the legislature, as liberal as ours, decided that marriage is between a man and a woman," said executive director Peter Wolfgang. "This is about our right to govern ourselves. It is bigger than gay marriage."

Gov. M. Jodi Rell said Friday that she disagreed with the ruling, but will not fight it.

"The Supreme Court has spoken," Rell said in a statement. "I do not believe their voice reflects the majority of the people of Connecticut. However, I am also firmly convinced that attempts to reverse this decision - either legislatively or by amending the state Constitution - will not meet with success."

But House Speaker Jim Amann, a Democrat, said he expects the issue to be taken up by the General Assembly.

"The legislature, as the lawmaking branch of government, debated this issue and made Connecticut one of the few states that offers civil union status for same-sex couples," Amman said.

The lawsuit was brought in 2004 after eight same-sex couples were denied marriage licenses and sued, saying their constitutional rights to equal protection and due process were violated.

They said the state’s marriage law, if applied only to heterosexual couples, denied them of the financial, social and emotional benefits of marriage.

Peck said that as soon as the decision was announced, the couple started crying and hugging while juggling excited phone calls from her brother and other friends and family.

"We’ve always dreamed of being married," she said. "Even though we were lesbians and didn’t know if that would ever come true, we always dreamed of it."

by Dave Collins
Associated Press

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National Coming Out Day

National Coming Out Day is October 11, a day when GLBT Americans are encouraged to break free from the political and social restraints of a heterosexual world and be proud of who we are as a people.

For many GLBT people, coming out can be very difficult. Facing family, friends, co-workers and classmates can be frightening, especially when the world has taught us for so long that being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered is unacceptable.

Though I can understand the fear a person would have when considering to come out, my personal journey was quite different. I've always been a very outspoken person, never really caring what other people think of me. Instead, I've always been more of a trend setter, a person who leaped first and asked questions later.

When I was 18 years old, I told my mother in a very casual conversation that I am gay. She didn't care, nor did she have much to say about it. Coming out to Dad was a little more difficult since I had always sought his approval for so many things throughout my life. But, I didn't really care what he thought when it came to my sexuality; it was mine to own, not his to approve.

One day I came home to do some laundry (I had been living part-time with friends in the gayborhood) and Dad asked where I had been for the past two weeks. Without thinking twice, I blurted "I've been staying with my boyfriend. You'd like him. He's a lawyer."

Dad didn't say anything for what seemed like several minutes. Finally I asked him if he was going to comment. He said "I've always known. I don't know what you want me to say. Just don't bring your lovers here or to any family event. And, don't tell your grandma!"

I told Dad that I wouldn't want anyone I cared about to meet him in the first place, so his rules were meaningless and without merit. I didn't return home or speak to my father for almost two years after that day. But, being a television reporter on a gay TV show, I sent Dad tapings of my show every week...just to tip the scale - to show him that his judgment did not affect me.

A few years later, after moving to Dallas and living with my (ex) partner, Dad called me up and invited us to Christmas with the family. He said that he missed having his son at family events. That year, my partner and I were welcomed with open arms and we appeared in all of the family photos. Amazingly, I was more uncomfortable at Christmas with my partner than any one of my family members. They just carried on like there was absolutely nothing different or out of place. I owe them a great deal of gratitude for this. My family, that day, and every single day afterward, made me feel normal.

Today, Dad is deceased. He died this time last year from colon cancer. But, we shared a good solid five years in a healthy and happy relationship with each other; a relationship free of hatred and bias, and full of love and acceptance. On this National Coming Out Day, I give thanks to my dad and my entire family for being so loving and so accepting. It took some tough love on my part...but, as I said before...being gay is mine to own, not my family's to approve.

A dear friend of mine has been in the closet his entire life, and when we first met I hounded him about it. He told me that his truck-driver dad would never understand it, nor would he accept it. So, my friend decided that he was not going to come out to his family. At age 29, my friend flew back home to St. Louis and came out to his mother and father. He explained that he could no longer understand why his family should not know about his sexuality, and that he owed it to his parents to tell them the truth. I was so proud of him. I knew that even if he didn't come out to them, he had already taken the biggest step toward self-acceptance.

My friend's father didn't take it so well. In fact, he kicked him out of his house that weekend and demanded that his son repay all of his college tuition. Even worse, he's been told not to call home, and his father said some really mean things. I felt so bad for my friend when he was telling me this. But, he is so respectful of himself and his new-found self awareness that his father's reaction did minimal damage to his heart. My friend explains that he knew his father would take it this way and that he was prepared.

Still...it's very sad. You're only given one set of parents in this life. If my father had died last year while we were in a state of disagreement or hatred, it would be unbearable. I would never have forgiven myself for not trying harder.

So, to all of you out there who are still not out to your family...first, do it on your own terms and at your own pace. But, second, never lose sight of who you are. Find your self-respect. And, if someone has a problem with your sexuality...just think about this...that's THEIR problem to worry about and lose sleep over...NOT YOURS. Just remember...you've already lost your sleep. You've already worried about it. You've already beaten yourself up about it. Don't do it all over again for someone else. Take care of yourself first. It's not your responsibility to cope with everyone's doubts, worries and inadequacies. Be who you are with NO APOLOGIES.

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