Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos Made with Real Cheese

Oh, New Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos Made with Real Cheese,

Can I just call you JCC for short? OK. I will.

How I love you so. You've got that extra crunchy, fun-loving taste that I crave. There's nothing like the classic cheddar cheesy taste of a Cheeto made with real cheese, followed by the lasting impression of jalapeño flavor.

No other cheese flavored snack can even compare. And, although there are 10 grams of fat in each serving - which is about 22 Cheetos - you don't have any trans fats. That's wonderful. I mean, all cancer-causing agents aside - thank goodness there are zero extra fats that contribute to my body growing horizontally.

And, lets talk about that sodium content: 290 milligrams - wow! This amount may be 12% of my daily intake (as prescribed by the Food and Drug Administration, based on a 2,000 calorie diet), but it also helps me maintain the sodium content my body needs (since I normally just don't eat any kind of salt at all - it leads to high blood pressure - and it also makes you retain water).

And, even though 90 of the 160 calories in one serving are from fat, it's okay. Because, I know that you're made with jalapeño flavor. And, spicy foods have been shown to increase the metabolism, according to recent studies, as published by unknown resources.

What I love more about you, JCC, is that you have two whole grams of protein. This is particularly helpful because right now I'm weight training. I could really use those extra two, itsy bitsy, bite-sized grams of protein to help boost the size of my muscle tissue.

All in all, New Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos Made with Real Cheese, you're a great snack. And, I think...no, I know...I love you.

Sincerely,

A Very Health Conscious Gay Man Who's Getting Ready for Swimsuit Season

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GLBT QRS

So, I’ve been involved in the gay community for quite some time now. What started out as a casual reference to the “gay community” has long been changed, modified, stripped nude and left for eventual annihilation. To be all-inclusive of everyone who makes up this widely gay community, the forefathers of queerness have decided to reference our group as GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender) – another ubiquitous acronym that has been added to the ranks of an acronym-happy world.

So, you might find it interesting to know that there has been yet another shift in how we homos are being referenced. That’s right…in the end, we are talking about homos. Though, an astute, smart person might know that transsexuals are not necessarily homosexuals. This is a thought that I’m sure most straight people would have a meltdown trying to compute. Ask any bisexual person if they identify with homosexuality in the least bit, and I’m sure you will get an astounding “hell no!” So, why then are we all grouped together? Mass confusion? Ignorance? I vote for loss of identity.

What is the new shift in GLBT identification, you ask? I’ll give you one hint: Women’s Liberation. That’s right; GLBT has now been changed to LGBT – putting the lesbians first in the list. Frankly, I really don’t care who comes first in the list, as long as we stay consistent with how we are identified as a people. It seems that in the pursuit of inclusion, we are losing our integrity.

Now, whether the lesbians all stood up one day and took a stand against this male-dominated species and said “Damnit! Even the gays discriminate against women,” or if some reporter decided on a whim to start using LGBT in her writings, versus GLBT – the mystery remains. In the end, I’m not too upset over it. I just feel like we’re losing our identity by not remaining consistent.

Most straight people still have never heard the acronym GLBT. Now, we’re forcing them to recognize us as GLBT and LGBT. Call me ridiculous for even writing about it, but I say it must be downright confusing for any person to understand all these acronyms and what they all mean! To the rednecks and Christians, we are all just fags anyway.

But, I digress. I do have a great sense of pride in our GLB…errr…LGBT community. I continue to offer myself up as a volunteer for multiple charities and causes right here in the gayborhood…or should that word change, too? Perhaps we now live in the LGBTborhood. I don’t know where I live. But, what I do know is that the 20-something urbanauts have infiltrated our hood and have taken over the produce section at Kroger. If posed with the question "What does LGBT stand for?" the caught-off-guard hetero would most likely drop his squash right where he stood and mumble "huh?"

You just can’t find a hot, gay man while shopping at the grocery anymore…what a damn shame. But, that’s another story for another time.

In the words of one of my favorite journalists, John Stossel, “Gimme a Break!”

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